Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
