I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
