So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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