I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
