Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
