Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
