He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
