were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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