I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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