I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
