He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
