super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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