Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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