Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
