No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
