no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
