I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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