the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
