I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
