sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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