it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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