I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
