girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh god it's open bar.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
