You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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