I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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