we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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