mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
