He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
