Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
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fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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