Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
