the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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