I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
