Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
