Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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