First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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