will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
