Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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