remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
