I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
