no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
