i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
