ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
