whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
