I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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