If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
