I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
