His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
