This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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