i just google imaged poop.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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