Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
