so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
