He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
