you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
