Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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