i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
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This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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