I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
