The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
