meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
