Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
