I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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