Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
