I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
