I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize