It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
