If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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