I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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