So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
