a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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