guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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